What?

Have you ever questioned yourself?

Have you ever tried to figure it out of your deep mind?

Some days ago, a person from an unrecognizable past came and told me a word that has exact meaning like,  "How could you change into this? You weren't like this". All of it was replied with a laugh. Cynical laugh because that person suddenly appeared and gave a judgment. Short laugh since the person did and would never understand, the word I uttered. And a bitter laugh, for myself could not remember or even imagine, who I was.

Then come the question, "Who am I?" and "Who was I?".

Actually I think that I am still the same person from the past, save for the stupidity. I'm still the same old Stevanus, not changing except the physical issues. However, I could not even tell what kind of person I am now. I am not even able to fathom myself, so why people bother give a judgment? What do they want? Do they have something to do with the slippery judgment?

I never miss a single day to find myself in the mirror. Not for the narcissism, we look our own eyes deeply and give a question to the person across the road, "Who are you?". After a single pause of silence, both of us leave with no answer. Everyday, every week, every chance I have in this life.

Sometimes I question others in my mind. Like the people on the side of the road; how can they be certain of what they are? Have you ever question yourself? Or you are like just Dr. Manhattan? Being overwhelmed with great humility that the universe will not even notice, so you leave yourself unquestioned.

Through the rain I checked the videos of my past. Seen those completed events with my presence in there. I can remember and study the events, excluding the main thing in there. The actor, and the cameraman. Both of them who are one cannot be explained.

Who am I? What's my role? What's the meaning of me, of being me? Is my existence important? Do anyone pay attention? What can I give? What am I supposed to do? Is there something wrong? If so, why? If not, why?

I'm complicated, at least, for myself. Maybe a bunch of intellectual creatures like you could even figure me or others better. And there I will be sitting on my couch with the popcorn; laughing. What humans should know; I am not as simple as jigsaw puzzles. I'm certain of something more. How dare anyone compare me with a trivial mind?

That's all.